Secrets
by TearsOfARose
Summary: Hayley Smith is the only girl in school that is Sirius Black's friend and nothing else. They have never snogged and though she can't help but like him, he doesn't return the feelings. Or does he? Follow the gang through their last year and past it.
1. Chapter 1

With A Little Help From My Friends - The Beatles

"One of these days you are going to get what you deserve!" the girl hissed at Sirius and ran away, I watched this exchange from behind and once she was gone I walked up to him.

"You know," I began, "she's right, karma isn't going to be very nice to you."

He just shrugged, "Hey, Love, why haven't I been seeing you around lately?"

This made me turn my head towards him and give him a confused look, trying as hard as I could not to get lost in those mysterious grey eyes, "Have we ever seen each other around a lot?"

This made him think, "First year when you had a crush on me." The statement came out as more of a question.

I simply put my hand on his shoulder and giggle, "Honey, I've never had a crush on you."

"Well, you wanna go on a date one day?" he asked.

I attempted to raise an eyebrow, knowing that I probably looked ridiculous, "I couldn't do that to Avery." I gave him a soft smile.

I am Sirius Black's only girl friend, girl who is a friend. He says it's because I'm too nice to just randomly snog. Sirius is the boy at our school who flips that black hair and every girl swoons or flexes his muscles and there are girl waiting to shag him. He dumps a girl before the relationship can go more than a week. Lily, my best mate, says that I am going to be the girl to finally break Sirius, but I think that she just says that because she is the girl that finally broke James Potter. James is Sirius' best mate and he is more in love with Lily than I ever knew possible. I don't believe in love, but I think James and Lily is the exception to the rule. They have been together for about a year now and they never seem to fight for very long.

For years Lily had shot James down, but eventually she had finally said yes and they have been attached at the hip since. They are so cute together, I know that James would die for Lily and I know Lily would do the same for him.

"He hurt another girl." I said sadly as I walked into my room. Lily, simply looked up in confusion, "He just broke another innocent girl's heart and didn't even care." I wanted to hate Sirius, I really did, but when I saw how he treated his friends I knew that there was more to him. I believe there is a reason for everything people do and that's no different for Sirius. He is one of those people who believe in love, I think he is scared of someone being able to hurt him.

At that a sad smile made its way to Lily's lips, "Well, I have an idea," I jumped onto her bed with crossed legs eager to hear what she was going to say, "make Sirius fall in love and make him feel what those girls felt."

I raised an eyebrow at my evil friend, "You are going to hurt the love of your life's best mate like that?"

"Sirius deserves it." Lily is more devious than me, but I knew she wouldn't usually do this. Then I remembered that Sirius had wormed his way into her sister's heart last summer and crushed it into a million pieces. Sirius had been the only wizard that Petunia had liked and while they were dating Lily and her relationship got a lot better. Lily and her sister hate each other again and after Sirius did this to Petunia made their relationship even worse than it ever was.

I hesitated, "I don't know if I can do that." I looked down at my hands, "I know that he isn't all bad, it would just make him worse if someone broke his heart. Anyhow what girl could resist his charm enough to do it?"

I was never the kind of person to open up to people, so Lily didn't know about my family and she most definitely didn't know about my crush on Sirius. It was probably the reason she said, "Well you of course!"

I let out a sigh, I didn't want to deny Lily, but I couldn't do such a thing to Sirius. I thought about the best response, "I usually bump into him at Hogsmead, I'll make up my mind then."

Lily's face turned worried, "Friday night it the full moon." She said it in a quiet, scared voice.

"I know," I spoke in the same tone, "I am scared to be a werewolf too." We looked at each other, we were both deathly afraid of werewolves. I knew that Lily knew something about werewolves that I didn't, but I didn't want to know.

Lily flipped her red hair and put on her happy face even though her emerald green eyes stayed the same sad shade, "Please let me do your makeover anyways! Anyhow I don't know if you will find Sirius at Hogsmead."

I laughed at that, "It's Sirius Black with a candy shop nearby and okay about the makeover." She laughed along with me, her laugh seemed almost force. I hate when people know something that I don't, but I never told Lily. I accept that she has secrets from me, I have them from her. I know that Lily is there for me for anything, but I don't know how to tell her anything. There are walls in my heart and I can't let them fall down.


	2. Chapter 2

If This Was a Movie

Taylor Swift

A/N: I am sooooo sorry that I haven't been updating, but I swear I am going to be putting chapters up faster!

"Wake up Hayley-Bear!" I heard Lily scream in my face early the next morning to work on how I would look, I swear for a girl who pulls off the natural beauty look she knows how to do make up.

My long, black hair was cut in layers and with bangs (all by Lily) she had my hair in a loose side ponytail, then she somehow managed to make my bright blue eyes brighter using magic. She is so lucky to grow up as a muggle, my dad is a muggle born and my mum is a pureblood.

At breakfast I was eating a cupcake (I am good friends with the house elves) and being happier than ever when I felt someone cover my eyes and a deep voice near my ear whisper, "Good morning, Cupcake."

"Ummm…" I said, I knew it was Sirius because he is the only person in the school who calls me by a nickname. People either call me Hayley or Hayley-bear never anything else, "Is it you Amos?" Sirius and the rest of the student population was under the impression that I had a crush on a seventh year hufflepuff names Amos Diggory, though he had no idea who I was. My lie was just another part of my walls, so that Sirius would never think I liked him.

The hands moved off my face and Sirius slumped into the seat next to me angrily, "I am _not_ Amos" he grumbled and I giggled.

"Someone's jealous," I poked his cheek with my finger and he reached to scoop off some of my cupcake's frosting, "don't worry Honey-bear I knew it was you."

"May I ask how my Cupcake acquired a cupcake?" he asked taking more of my frosting.

"I have connections." I laughed as he scooped off more of my frosting.

"It's just because you are so nice to the house elves isn't it?" he asked, knowing me too well.

"Well, who can't be overly nice to them?" I asked, "They are so sweet and cute and they work so hard!"

"Are you bad at all?" Sirius laughed at me.

"Yes," I defended myself.

"Really?" he asked shocked, "Prove it."

"What? You want me to prove that I'm bad?" I was shocked, "Okay, well I swear." that was a good answer.

"I have never heard you swear." Sirius laughed even harder.

"Well, because I swear in my head, they are too bad to say out loud and to the world." He made a face at me and I realized that it didn't count, "Okay, well, I think that Lily is too nice to me. There I think bad of someone!"

He looked at me shocked, "You think that you thinking someone is nice is thinking bad of them? You are beyond saving, isn't it hard being so nice?"

"I'm not nice though." I smiled at him.

He just got up and walked over to some girl. I decided that I didn't want to have to see him flirting so I got up to leave, I turned to ask Lily if she wanted to come with me, until I figured that James would want to spend time with her.

As I walked out I looked to my left and then my right and there I saw Peter Pettigrew, he was talking to Malfoy. I thought the Marauders hated Slytherins? Maybe he was turning around and trying to be friends with them, go Peter!

I looked away for a second and when I looked back Peter was gone, Malfoy was standing there though. I saw a cute, little rat running away. It took all my self control not to run after the rat and keep it as a pet.

I never mentioned what I saw to anyone, I figured I had imagined it from too much sugar intake. Even though I passed it off as my imagination I couldn't stop staring at Peter, I was confused because when he was with the other Marauders he was still mean to the Slytherins. My confusion was unfortunate for my because I missed the fact that Sirius had been staring at me all day. Though I think I am a little happy that I didn't notice, if I had known I would become nervous around him.


	3. Chapter 3

You Got Me

Colbie Caillat

Mark my words, one of these days Sirius Black is going to fall in love and Karma is going to hurt him. I definitely do not want to be the cause of pain for him, so I decided to tell Lily that I couldn't do it. I love the happiness that is always in his eyes and it would kill me to see it gone.

When I finally got Lily alone I told her, she seemed a little bit disappointed, but she understood.

That night I couldn't sleep, I could've sworn I heard a werewolf howl. I passed it off as my fears making me delusional and soon enough drifted off to sleep, but nightmares of being a werewolf plagued me that night.

"Rise and shine!" I heard Lily yell, how that girl can always wake up so early and be so happy is beyond me. I am usually a happy person, but I am not a morning person!

She did my hair and makeup which didn't take as long this time and then had me wear black skinny jeans and a bright, blue loose shirt, with a black, leather jacket. I couldn't help but be excited, I looked so cute in the outfit Lily picked out. Though I had to continuously push the thought away that maybe Sirius would notice me now.

As we made our way down the stairs I saw Sirius stumble in with blood coming from his side. Lily raced up the boy's staircase and I walked up to Sirius. He looked up at me with the biggest puppy dog eyes and I couldn't help but take pity.

"Come on." I whispered throwing one of his arms around my shoulder and practically carried him to Hogsmead. Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be a healer and I hate thinking too much of myself, but I know that I am really good. For the first time I was happy that I knew I was good, I wouldn't trust myself with Sirius otherwise.

Once I had healed him, I brought Sirius to the Hog's Head and sat with him as he drank a butterbeer, I wanted to ask what happened, but I knew he would not tell me. He didn't seem to mind all the damage that was done to him and I was terrified to know what happened, my thoughts couldn't help but drift to the night before when I thought I'd heard a werewolf. I knew that he wasn't about to turn into a werewolf, so I tried to shake the idea from my mind.

"Thanks." He said in a quiet voice, not looking up.

I gave him a soft smile, "I wasn't going to let you lay there bleeding," I put my hand on top of his which caused him to look up, "don't be embarrassed." I don't know why I said that, I've never had the courage to say something like that, but I wanted him to know that he could trust me.

"You don't judge do you?" He asked smiling at me.

"Why would I judge?" I asked confused, he was only hurt. Why would someone judge about that?

"You haven't even asked me what happened, you just go and help me. How can you do that?" he was looking at me in the eyes, I think in a way we were both lost.

We sat there for a while staring at each other before a few girls from his fan club burst in. In the beginning we found it weird that he had a fan club, but now it's just normal, "Merlin!" she squealed, "I did not know that you would be here!" she sat next to him pushing him to move over and grimace in pain, I knew that she was trying to break us apart. The fan club hated when other girls talked to Sirius, which forced them to really hate me. It made me sad that they judged me so quickly, I really wanted to be friends with them in the beginning.

"Hey, Polly!" I couldn't help but hope that she was here to be nice, "How are you, I haven't really seen you around lately, can you believe we are in our seventh year!"

She glared at me, "Excuse me, Polly." Sirius said ignoring her glaring, "I'm on a date with Hayley, could you go away?"

She glared at me, but went away anyway. I was a little shocked at what Sirius said, "She could've stayed here." Was all I could say.

"Hayley, why are you nice to her? She's so mean to you?" he tried to catch my eyes but I avoided looking at him.

"What if one day she changes her mind?"

"Think it over." Sirius said quietly as he got up and walked out of the pub, I sat there muling it over before I stood up and walked out the door.


	4. Chapter 4

U Smile

Justin Beiber

A/N: Thank you SO much for everyone who is reading this and reviewing, it means so much! I am sorry that the chapters aren't very long, I'm trying to extend them, but they end up kind of weird, but I am trying lol! Enjoy! 3

I walked around Hogsmead for a while and when I got to the shrieking shack I felt a dog nuzzle my leg, he was so cute with shaggy black hair and eyes that were (as crazy as it sounds) a dark grey.

"Hey cutie," I gushed as I leant down and began to pet, scratch, and kiss the dog not caring about possible flees. He was so friendly and cute, "I want to take you home." I said putting my nose on the dog's, "Your name is Snuffles."

I walked the streets with the dog who would never leave my side, I bought it a dog bowl and filled it with water. I sat cross legged with the dog on the side of the road petting it as it drank. Once it was done it laid down and put it's head in my lap as I stroked its head and I talked to myself.

A group of girls walked by laughing, "See those girls?" I asked and Snuffles lifted his head to look, "That is the Sirius Black fan club, they hate me. I don't know why, they seem so nice. I want to be their friend, I mean of course I don't want to be a member, but the more friends the better. First I need to figure out why they hate me, I could've done something to them? I know it's partially because I am friends with Sirius, but there has to be a different reason. I don't really know why they love Sirius so much," I mumbled, "sure he's sweet and considerate and hot, but he's a womanizer. I think he has dated every girl in school, I feel bad for him, but I get really sad, I hate watching those girls who thought they could tame him run away with their hearts broken. Now, I don't believe in love, but I think that one day Sirius will fall in love. Don't get me wrong I don't think it will be soon and I do not think it will be me, but I think it will happen." Snuffles seemed to be listening so I went on, "Here's the thing though, karma isn't nice at all and she is going to hate Sirius or something. When he falls in love that girl is going to crush his heart and he'll try the rebound, but nothing is going to mend that heart. I don't think I could handle watching him get hurt, he's had enough pain in his life." I knew that tears were streaming down my face, Snuffles brought his head up and licked my face until I was giggling.

All the sudden James and Lily walked by, they both looked at me and Snuffles and laughed. James leaned down and began to pet him, "You found my dog." he laughed.

"I didn't know you had a dog, he's so cute." I gushed rubbing Snuffles' back.

"Yeah his name is Sirius." James laughed and the dog's head shot up.

"You named your dog after your best mate?" I couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous James was.

"Of course I did!" James huffed in self defense.

"I'm sorry, I just find it a little funny, but you are right it's completely normal." I tried to mend my mistake in offending James.

He broke down laughing, "Don't worry, I was just joking. You are right it's weird, Sirius is the one who named the dog though."

"Oh that makes sense." I laughed too.

Lily leaned down and pet the dog, "So this is Sirius." she laughed, "He seems to like you, Hayley."

"James, can I please play with him more often? He's so sweet!" I gushed.

"I would love to let you, but my mum is forcing me to sell him soon. I'm sorry, but I think this is going to be the last time you see him." James put emphasis on the last and he seemed to be more talking to the dog than me.

"I'll buy him!" I offered getting excited.

"He already has a buyer." Lily said in a soft voice, knowing that I would be sad about this.

She was right, I became really sad that I would never see this adorable dog again. He lifted his head and began to lick my face again, forcing me to giggle, but this time James dragged the dog off of me. He apologized and explained that next the dog was probably going to start humping me, though it came out as more of a joke. Sirius seemed to almost glare at James and Lily and I giggled at the statement.

"Okay, well I'm going to head back to the castle." I said slightly disappointed as I gave the dog one more pat on the head and made the trek back to school.

When I got back I headed straight to the common room, I had picked up a new book and I sat on the couch. I was so sucked into my book that I didn't hear the painting open, I didn't even notice when someone sat next to me. It was when I felt someone poke my cheek that I jumped up, "Took you long enough." Sirius said smiling at me.

"Wow, when did you get here?" I asked trying to catch my breath from the shock, "Oh," I said getting excited, "I met Sirius!"

"The dog?" he asked trying to stop a chuckle.

"He is so cute! Why aren't you that cute?" I joked as I poked his ribcage. He had explained to me years ago that he had too much muscle to be ticklish, but I still tried.

"I am very cute!" Sirius said puffing up his chest and trying as best as he could to look self important.

"Sirius Black," I giggled, "you are no where near cute, adorable, or well innocent."

"I'm innocent!" he defended himself, but as soon as he said that we both broke into a fit of giggles.

Once we had finally calmed down we were lying on each other and I was trying so hard not to snuggle into Sirius' warm chest, "Dinner time!" he exclaimed jumping up after a while.

"You go, I need to put my book in my room." he rolled his eyes at me, but went anyways.


	5. Chapter 5

Make You Feel My Love

Adele

Once I was safe in my room I groaned and flopped onto my bed, why did he do this to me? Why could he never truly notice me? Why is it that I am just a little sister to him? Life isn't fair at all.

Once I had made it down to dinner I walked in and there was Sirius, with no girl. He was sitting with the Marauders and there was no new girl, I walked up to him, squeezing between him and Peter and put my head to his forehead. I looked him straight in the eyes, "Are you sick?"

He gave me the weirdest look ever then smirked, "Are you worried about me?"

I repeated my question, "You haven't gotten a rebound girl yet, did I do something wrong when I bandaged you up today?"

He pushed my hand away, "I'm fine, just not in the mood to date right now." It was a good thing I wasn't drinking anything when he said that because I would've spit it out, though I was really happy that he wasn't dating right now. I hated when I envied those other girls, it made me feel like such a bad person.

My jaw dropped, "Did you just say that? What's going on?"

"I'll tell you when you're older." He said patting my head and walking away.

I turned to the rest of the Marauders except for Remus who wasn't there, "What the happened, I miss my Sirius!" though they all shrugged I knew that they knew, "Please tell me!" I begged but they didn't break, "Fine I'll ask Lily, James can't keep a secret from her!"

That night when Lily and I were in the common room studying I asked her about it, but she didn't know either. She gave me a sympathetic look, "I'm sorry, but I'm sure this is going to blow over." After that she made some lame joke about Sirius.

"But Lily, I'm serious!" before I could finish my thought there was a voice behind me.

"No, I'm Sirius." he corrected me.

I was honestly worried about what was going on with Sirius so his comment did not make me happy, "Can I talk to you for a second?" I asked him trying to sound mad, but I know that it came out in full load concern.

We walked to one of the dark corners and I looked up into Sirius' eyes, he had the height advantage with me only being 5'5 and him being 6'4. I tried to act like it didn't affect me, "I am honestly worried about you." I was using all my will power not to get lost in those beautiful eyes, "I have never seen you take a break from girls, are you okay? Is something wrong?"

He moved a strand of hair out of my face and I could of sworn that our faces were getting closer, but I don't really know. I was stuck in a trance, "Why are you worried about me?" he asked in a whisper.

I held down the urge to gulp, instead I put on a confused face, "You are my friend and you are always there for me. You're like the brother I never wanted." I joked as I punched his shoulder, "If something is wrong I want to fix it."

Sirius sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, "You don't see it." He mumbled, I knew he was talking to himself, but I had to know.

"What don't I see?" I asked, he had hung his head so I moved my head under his so that we would be looking each other in the eyes.

"Everyone says it's so obvious, but you don't know. I'm your brother." I try to not ask people about things they don't want, but I was so curios it was killing me.

"Please just tell me." I said grabbing his hand so that he would look me in the eyes.

Instead of looking at me he pulled away as fast as he could, "For once don't try and talk it out!" he snapped, "Don't play the innocent act and just tell me how you feel!"

This only made me more confused, I honestly did not know what he was talking about and I hated that he was becoming mad. I did the only thing that I could think of, I grabbed him into a hug. At first he refused to hug me back, but soon enough I was wrapped in Sirius' warm embrace. While we were standing there, not saying anything just hugging I realized that though Sirius and I had been friends for a while we had never hugged and it felt so nice. Sirius was one of those guys who when they hugged you, you just felt safe and happy.

Eventually we broke the hug, "Are you okay?" I asked him, he seemed to of calmed down.

He nodded, "I'm sorry Sweet-pea, I was just a little frustrated." he turned to make his way up the boys steps, I watched him go and then headed over to all my friends.

"Wow," James said in shock, "I don't think I have ever seen Sirius hug someone before."

"Doesn't he hug you at all?" I asked confused, I thought all friends hugged a lot.

"Sirius doesn't hug." Peter explained, "He doesn't even hug his girlfriends, I think it's some childhood fear or something."

I grew panicked when they told me this, "Do you think he'll hate me for doing that? I shouldn't of hugged him, but it was all I could think to do to calm him down."

All the sudden Sirius poked his head down the stairs, "Weren't you planning on tutoring me tonight?"

Lily laughed, "I don't think you need to worry about him being mad!" she said as I made my way over to the boys staircase.


	6. Chapter 6

Chasing Cars

Snow Patrol

The next day at breakfast I sat with the Marauders next to Sirius and the scary thing was that there was still no girl, "Sirius," I began as I turned to him, "Please tell me what is really going on because you haven't even looked at a girl and I'm going to be honest it is kinda freaking me out."

"Well, I actually like a girl now." Sirius exclaimed.

I ignored my sinking heart as I put on a big smile, "That's great! I'm so happy for you, what's she like? Do I know her? When are you going to ask her out?" I knew that the more questions I asked would make it seem like I didn't mind and it gave me time to think.

Sirius rambled on about his new girl, "And I really like her!" he said excitedly, "I don't just want her because she's hot."

"When are you going to ask her out?" I asked, I tried to make it sound enthusiastic, but my heart hurt too much. It was worse that he actually seemed to like this one...

He grew silent, "There's a slight problem there, I don't know if she likes me." he seemed genuinely sad.

I decided to put away my selfish hope for Sirius, "Let's figure this out, if she is in your fan club she likes you, if she is younger than us she likes you…" I left a dramatic pause, "You like Lily!"

He laughed and I cheered up at the prospect of at least making him laugh, sure I will never be with him, but at least I can make him laugh.

"Sirius," Lily began to ask, "Don't hurt her." at our confused looks she gave a knowing look to Sirius and then walked away pulling James with her.

I gave him a curios look, "I don't know." He shrugged, but I could tell that he was lying.

"Give her a love potion." I joked.

He let out a bark of a laugh, "I always told James to give Lily a love potion and he said that one day I would understand. I am going to make it easier on you because James put me through torture by not telling me," he tilted his head where he was looking at me through his eyelashes, "when you are…" he paused, "in love," he seemed a little shocked that he admitted it, "a love potion isn't worth it."

"You're in love?" I asked forcing the tears not to pour down, "What happened to my Sirius?"

A warm look crossed his face, "I never wanted to fall in love…" I put my hand on his shoulder trying to get him to open up and it worked, "In a relationship I was never in danger of getting hurt because I never allowed myself to fall in love. Now I'm in danger of being hurt and…" he looked me in the eyes, "it scares me." he looked so lost and it tore my heart to shreds. I grabbed him into a hug.

"Don't worry," I whispered in his ear, "I'm sure she likes you too."

"How are you sure?" he mumbled into my hair.

"Because who couldn't like you?" it pained me to be doing this, but I knew that I would get over Sirius eventually so it wasn't a big deal in the long shot.

"Well I have to go do homework, see you later Munchkin." he pulled away from the hug and I already missed his warm body and strong arms around me.

"I'll go with you, I should study too." Lies.

We were soon in the common room, the whole walk up Sirius only talked about her and I decided to let my guard down because he had done the same to me earlier, "Sirius," I began, "goodnight and if this helps you at all, it is impossible to know that you are in love after one conversation. Don't be too scared." I then walked up to my room to start my homework.


	7. Chapter 7

Mine

Taylor Swift

Lily and I were alone in our room when she brought up our plan, "Hayley, I've been thinking and you were right, we shouldn't plot to break Sirius' heart."

Before I was able to comfort her because she looked so sad none other than Polly walked in and Polly hates me.

"You were planning to break his heart?" she asked mad. Lily and I looked at each other uncomfortably, "We all know that he doesn't fall in love, if he were to have that happen it would be from one of us." I knew the 'us' was the fan club, "But stay away from him."

I didn't try to explain, I just looked down at my hands and listened to her yell at me, "If you don't stay away from him I will tell." I realize that it must be hard on her, she is so infatuated by Sirius, but he barely knows she exists. I realize that while she's staring at Sirius there I am sometimes talking and laughing with him, it must hurt her.

I wasn't happy that I had to stay away from Sirius, but in a week was Christmas break and I had loads of tests. Avoiding Sirius wasn't hard then, but I was worried about how I was going to succeed when we got back from break.

"Bye!" Lily shouted as she squeezed me tighter, we had been saying goodbye over and over again and I knew my parents were getting impatient.

"Bye!" I said waving to everyone and began to run over to my parents.

"Hey, Snickers," Sirius said, stepping in front of me and holding his arms out, "don't I get a hug goodbye?"

I looked down, "Sorry, I really have to go." I mumbled as I brushed past him. Lily later told me that he stared at me as if someone had just stabbed a knife into his heart.

"Happy Christmas!" I whispered to myself once I woke up. I ran down stairs and began to open my presents.

"Honey," my dad said coming into the room, "you mother is having us go to the Potter's for Christmas dinner." He didn't sound very happy about it.

I was happy that I would get to see James, so I shrugged, "Okay sounds good to me."

"I feel like she's trying to set you up with that Potter boy." My dad grumbled some more.

"Dad, I don't think so. James is beyond in love with his girlfriend, don't worry there is no chance of mum setting me up with him."

"Oh, wear something nicer than that." My mum said turning her nose up at what I was wearing.

My next outfit for the night that my mum actually approved of was a bright red dress with ugly green shoes. I love my mum, I do, but her fashion sense isn't as good as most people. I am not great with fashion, but I knew that this wasn't good.

When we got to the Potter's I gave James a big hug hello and shook his parents hands hello. After I said hello to everyone Sirius walked in, I ran over to him before stopping, "Is um...anyone else here?" I asked trying to act casual.

Sirius looked at me funny, "No just the Potters and me."

"In that case!" I exclaimed jumping up and giving Sirius a huge hello hug, "I missed you!" I exclaimed as he spun me around in our huge embrace.

He pouted, "You didn't hug me goodbye."

"I'm sorry I was in a major rush." I lied quickly, but I am not a very good liar, especially when talking to Sirius.

I had a great time that night, James, Sirius, and I hung out the whole night just laughing and having a great time.

Once dinner started, my dad finally understood what I meant about James being too in love with Lily because she was all he would talk about.

While James was in yet another conversation about Lily, sirius leaned over to me, "So why _are_ you so dead set against love?" he asked.

"Wait a little while and you will see." I whispered back and as if on cue my parents began fighting in front of everyone.

"Come on." He said getting up and holding his hand out to me. I simply nodded and took his hand.

We walked out to the Potter's yard where there was a small lake down a little hill, as we began to make our way down the hill I wrapped my two arms around one of Sirius' and put my head on his shoulder. I don't know why I said it, but while keeping my head on his shoulder I silently spoke, "Sirius, will you do me a favor and not ask why I am asking for you to do this?" I took his nod as a yes, "When we get at school, ignore me. Play pranks on me act as if we aren't friends."

He pulled away from me, looking shocked, "What? Why do you want that?"

I took a deep breath, "If I tell you, you wont understand. Please, Sirius," I begged grabbing his hands in mine and looking him in the eyes, "do this for me, I can get into a lot of trouble if you don't." I hated lying to him, but I knew it was the only way.

He nodded and we sat down, sitting together until it was time to go. I loved how Sirius smelled, it's not something you can explain, but it's like heaven. He laughed when he noticed I was smelling him, "What are you doing?" he asked.

"You smell really good." I stated, trying to not show my embarrassment.

He laughed even harder, "May I ask why?"

"You smell good," I explained glad that he couldn't see my cheeks heating up, "you smell like good." I closed my eyes and put my nose to his neck.

"I smell like good?" he asked curios.

"Like everything that's good, you are what the world will smell like when evil is gone." I explained, my nose not leaving his neck.

"Thanks." It came out as more of a question, but I just couldn't stop breathing near him. The rest of the holiday flew by and Sirius and I didn't see each other after that.


	8. Chapter 8

Wanted

Holly Brook

The day we arrived back at school he did just as I asked, I was the subject of a prank though it was no where near what they usually did and he acted like he didn't know me. I hated the feeling I got when he walked right by not even looking at me, but I knew it was for the best.

I still ate with the Marauders because of Lily, but I never sat next to Sirius and I got into a routine. That was until one day at lunch when I was sitting across from Sirius, we had been playing footsie which was becoming pretty painful, all of a sudden Amos Diggory walked up to me. He looked a little nervous and I put on my best 'I'm excited but trying to hide it' faces, "Hayley," he said a little quietly, rubbing his brown hair, "will you go out with me next weekend?"

I froze, I had to say yes everyone was under the impression that I had a huge crush on Amos, but I couldn't use him like that. Before I could say anything Lily put two hands on my shoulders, "She would love to, she's just in shock."

He nodded and walked away, I wouldn't look up from my food. I knew I couldn't look at Sirius, he would be happy for me and I didn't want him to be happy for me and Lily would be waiting for my excitement.

"Hayley," she said shaking my shoulder in excitement, "you have a date with him!"

"I know." I said quietly and then got up from the table. I was walking down a hallway, thinking when a arm wrapped around my waist and a hand made it's way over my mouth. I was too shocked to struggle.

"What?" I asked confused once I was facing Sirius in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom.

He looked sad, "Why are you avoiding me? Tell me the truth. And are you really going to go out with that prick? What's been up?" by the end of his questioning he was yelling. I looked down, I knew that I couldn't tell him the truth so I just didn't make eye contact and didn't say anything.

"Answer me!" he was obviously mad at me, I knew he had the right to be, but I couldn't answer.

"Please don't make me answer, you wouldn't understand." a few tears slipped down my cheek, but I wiped them away as fast as I could. I remembered Sirius telling me that he hated when girls cried.

"Try me." He snapped.

"I think I love him." I lied, fighting the urge to cry.

After that Sirius spun on his heels and stormed out. I slid down the wall which somewhere in the conversation I had backed up into and burst into hard sobs. Love has always been something that I didn't believe in. My parents hate each other and yet they stay married and every relationship I have ever seen ends in disaster, but then there was Mr. and Mrs. Potter, every time I saw them they were happy and seemed to be in love. But then what happens behind closed doors I don't know. I decided to stop thinking about other people and I thought about the way I was feeling about Sirius, I really liked him. He made me feel special, there was something about how he looked at me like I was the only girl in the room. I loved it, but did I love him? I put my head to my knees and cried harder.

I felt two arms wrap around me, "I'm sorry." He whispered into my ear.

I wiped my eyes as fast as I could and stood up acting like I wasn't crying, "I'm fine." I lied making a move to leave.

Sirius stood up and grabbed my wrist pulling me to him, "You can cry." he whispered and that was all the permission I needed to start balling again. He rubbed my back and I began to feel better as we stood there, him holding me.

Once I had calmed down he grabbed my hands and pulled me with him, "Come on." he said softly and after a few minutes of walking I realized that he was taking me to the kitchens. He pulled a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream and two spoons. We sat at the big wood table eating the ice cream in silence.

I wanted to ask him why he was so mad before, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Our peaceful moment was crashed though, Polly walked through the doors and stopped with a smirk on her face.

One look at us and she opened her big fat mouth, "Hey, Sirius," she said in a fake happy voice and I closed my eyes waiting for the blow, "did you know that Hayley has a bet going to break your heart into a million pieces?" she flipped that ugly blonde hair.

He looked at me for conformation, "Well it wasn't really like that-" I tried to explain, but he slammed his spoon down and walked away. I felt my heart break at the look of betrayal in his eyes, somehow and for some reason it was that moment that I realized that I was madly in love with him, I always had been and I always will be. Once that realization hit me the tears began to fall.

"Oh don't be a baby about it." Polly snapped and spun on her heals, running after her obsession and calling his name.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Thank you SO much everyone who has read and reviewed and following this story! I love writing it and it means so much that people are actually enjoying reading it 3 This chapter is a little fast paced, I have written it a few times, but it never seems to be good enough, so I'm sorry, but please enjoy!

Some Hearts

Carrie Underwood

Without Sirius my world grew blurred and fast, I told Amos that I could not date him. I realized that I have problems though, I think that maybe I fear being truly close with someone. I think a part of me wanted Sirius to run away and I never told Lily the truth.

"Haley," Lily began as she say next to me on my bed, "you aren't you. I know you don't want me to notice this, but I can tell that you are fading and Sirius is…not happy. I know that you have liked him for a long time, but what happened?"

I always tried to never cry in front of people, but at Lily's words I lost all self control and began to cry. I leaned into her and cried, she never found out what happened, but I will never forget that she didn't run away.

It was after potions the next day that Lily nudged me toward him, "Sirius," I began timidly, I wanted to have confidence but I couldn't bring it out of me.

"Go away, Haley." He snapped and walked away at a fast pace.

My real name upon his lips sent a knife through my heart, rather than breaking down I ran after him, "No, I will not let this be one of those STUPID movies where you ignore me!" I used all my force to throw him into a wall and I shockingly succeeded, "You can say whatever you want, but you know what you are bloody stupid! You need to listen to your _friend rather than some random girl!" I realized how weak I was becoming when I felt the wet tear stream down my face, "I am in love with you and I always have been, I'll leave you alone, but there is no way in bloody hell that I will ever stop loving you or ever hurt you!" with my little dignity left I spun on my heels and walked away through the crowd of people that happened to be watching._

_ "You are so selfish!" He called after me, "You don't believe in love and you will never love me!" I wanted to yell at him but I kept walked trying to hide the tears._

_ After our fight, our first fight and last he began to date more and more. That time where he had stopped dating was over and each relationship was shorter and shorter where it didn't even count, but each one broke my heart more and more. Lily would talk to me sometimes, she was worried that all I did was school work. I had stopped crying and I knew I had become almost grey._

_ It was after graduation, that is when I received the confidence that I had never had before, "I am bloody in love with you, you are!" I spun on my heels and ran away, I heard him call after me, but I just kept running. I knew that his rejection would push me off the edge._

_ Lily and I luckily stayed in touch, I became a healer at St. Mungo's and Lily joined the Order of the Phoenix with James and Sirius. The Dark Lord was becoming more and more powerful, but we tried to keep our spirits high, James and Lily even got married._

_ I must say that as I was becoming an adult in the world I realized how wrong I had been all my life. Love is real, but it's not the love that I dreamt about as a little girl. Love doesn't do the work for us, we have to do all the work. Love just enjoys showing a glimpse of itself and then sit back and watch up burn from the inside out. It was a simple year after graduation, it may have felt longer, but only a year had floated by._

_ "Remus, Remus!" I yelled running into his house one spring day I had mastered the fake happiness that I no longer noticed it._

_ "What?" He asked with mock excitement, making fun of me. We were in his kitchen and I was so excited that I didn't notice Sirius sitting at the kitchen table._

_ "I have created a potion that gives you control of your furry little problem!" I screamed using James name for the werewolf problem and I threw my arms around his neck._

_ "W-what?" Remus asked stunned._

_ "It will still hurt, which I am truly sorry about, but I swear I am working on it as best as I can. Hopefully soon it wont be painful with the transformation or you will be cured!"_

_ Tears were in the corner of Remus's eyes, "You did what?" he was still in shock so I nodded waiting for a reaction. He grabbed me into a huge hug, "I love you, Hayley-bear!"_

Once we had calmed down we were drinking tea at his kitchen table, it was a little awkward between Sirius and I, but for Remus' sake we didn't say anything to each other, though we kept stealing glances at each other and I realized that no matter how much I had thrown myself into my work, I was still in love with him. Remus was amazed that I had discovered something to help him and we spent hours discussing it. Through the entire discussion all I could think of was that maybe, just maybe Sirius could…love me…?


	10. Chapter 10

When You Look Me in the Eyes

Jonas Brothers

Sirius and I left Remus' house at the same time and I was trying to get away from Sirius as fast as I possibly could, "Hayley," he said quietly and I forced back tears at my real name. I didn't turn around, but he knew I was listening, "That was really nice of you."

"Thanks." I said quietly and began to walk away before he could see the tears.

But he grabbed my arm stopping me, "Did you mean what you said?" he whispered, "That you were in love with me?"

"Sirius, it's been a year." I pulled my arm out of his grip.

"Just tell me if you meant it."

I ran a hand through my hair, "Yes," I began slowly, still not facing him, "I meant it. I was always in love with you."

"Was?"

I honestly don't know where the courage came from but I said, "Am, is, has been, always will be, what's the difference? You always had a different girl, then you fell in love with some girl, and then you hated me. I never really meant to hurt you, I swear it was a random idea that someone asked me to do and I said no right away but Polly overheard."

He finally turned me around, so I could no longer hide the tears, he let out a chuckle as he wiped away my tears, "That girl was you."

We kissed at that moment and the world melted away, it was the most passionate kiss of my life and the best part was that it was with Sirius. Time flew by and I waited for him to be done with me, for it to be like Hogwarts where he would discard me, but he never did and one day he asked me to have a picnic with him.

"Hey you," He said when I apparated to his house, "ready?"

"Yep!" I smiled kissing him, I could never stop kissing him. I loved him too much and I think he loved me too.

We had been eating for a while when Sirius turning to me, grabbing my hands, "Hayley, I love you so much and I already spent to much time without you. Will you marry me?"

I was wearing the most beautiful wedding dress, it was a soft cream color and was pinned up in different places. My black hair was curled and fell down my back, I was staring at myself in the mirror. The past year flew by as Sirius and I were dating and then engaged and now we are getting married.

"Knock, knock." Sirius poked his head through the door of my dressing room, "Can I come in?"

"You aren't supposed to." I joked as he made his way over to me.

"I just want to talk before we did this," he looked uncomfortable and the panic began to make it's way up. Why did I allow myself to believe that he changed? What if he realized hat it was a mistake? What if he realized how mean I am?

He sat me down across from him on a couch and help my hands in his, "I love you more than anything," he began, so maybe he wan't bailing on me? He was looking me straight in my eyes and talking I guess I should listen, "Are you sure you want to marry me? I will understand if you bail."

I couldn't help but hug him, "I love you." I said as I kissed him.

Our wedding was the best day of my life even though once we were outside the church I had a million girls glaring at me.

A/N: well the story is beginning to reach it's ending, but I hope you've enjoyed it :)


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: I am SOOOO sorry for the delay! This chapter kinda REALLY sucks and I am sososososo sorry that the story is lacking, but I have finals coming up and it's all crazy! I promise that I will finish this story and correct all this suckish chapters! I love you guys!

Sirius and I worked with the Order of the Pheonix, it was a society set up by the Dumbledore. He did the field work and I just stayed as a healer, but we also ket or normal jobs.

Sometimes I would just stare at him and think back to Hogwarts, how different things were. But I guess everyone changes, Sirius definitely had, he was more serious now. No pun intended. It was as if he realized that this was our life and it was ending one day at a time, any day now Voldemort could kill him or me. There were no sweet happy moments, it was as if Voldemort was a plague who could not and would not leave us. He was always there, no mater what.

I held back tears every time I had to heal someone new, I saw as some were driven insane by him_; some were tortured to the edge of death; but most were simple killed, he was ruthless and those were the lucky ones._

_ Dumbledore always told us to use his name, not to fear it. But just thinking of the name Voldemort made me want to curl into a ball and cry. It's not so simple to ignore an impending almost pain, he never left and I was slowly being warred away by the thought that he might never be defeated._

_ Whenever we had a spare moment we were over at Lily and James' house, we would pretend to be happy. Lilly would bake and I would help her, sometimes we'd have a picnic outside. We all knew that we were only thinking about the threat that never left, but we pretended to not remember, we pretended to be safe._

_ "Honey," I heard Sirius's voice as I sat in the living room with no lights on. I didn't say anything back I just wanted to melt into nothing as the fears ran through my mind. I felt the dark presence there and I knew for a fact that I would destroy that man if it was the last thing I did, "Hayley," he called and I finally looked up, he sat down next to me and gathered me into those strong, protective arms, "I need to go."_

_ "I know." I said putting my face into the side of his neck, "Don't let it get you please."_

_ "I will be back." He said it as a statement, I had known for weeks now that Sirius would be going on a mission but I had pushed it out of my brain. I didn't want to think that he could be hurt or killed. My life without Sirius would be empty._

_ "James and Lily have arrived." He said and helped me up. I blindly walked to the couple and held back the tears as I knew everyone else in the room was doing._

_ "James, protect him. Come back to us." I said hugging him goodbye and then running into Sirius's arms. What if he never came back? What would I do? I kept thinking that Sirius wouldn't come back so that maybe I could jinx fate into letting him return to me._

_ Lily and I stood together, supporting each other as I watched the two men disappear and once they were gone with both broke down into tears. We stayed there for two days, with each other. Crying._

_ The light went out for me, I no longer saw life the way I used to. Everything seemed to blank out and mesh together, there was no guarantee of anything and all I felt was a coldness next to my heart._

_ It was on the third day that Lily and I were sitting together and she began to laugh, after only a short amount of time she was laughing so hard she couldn't breathe._

_ After a little while I too began to laugh, nothing was funny, but it was a real natural laugh and it felt amazing. I had truly missed this, sitting here happy with my best friend. When our laughing had ended I lit a fire and we sat on the couch together._

_ "I just remember," Lily began, "back in Hogwarts you would've never let yourself feel like this or you would've hidden it."_

_ I smiled at the memory, "I like not hiding it though. It feels so nice to not care and just show how I feel."_

_ "Well I am going to finally go home, they'll be back soon." A smile lit up both of our faces like never before, we knew that we didn't have any longer to wait and that was probably the best feeling ever._

_ It's weird how much I have changed over not really a long period of time, I yell when I'm mad, cry when I'm sad, laugh when I'm happy, I feel things and don't hide anything. I tell people I love them and believe what I say, I live every day as if it could be my last because it really could be my last._

_ I wouldn't say I was a better person or happier, but I've changed for what I think to be the better._

_ I walked Lily to the fireplace and hugged her goodbye, but as we pulled a part an owl dropped a letter in between us._

_ I picked it up and with shaking hands opened it, I didn't want to read it but I knew that I had to. It said exactly what I feared and I fell to the ground the letter falling out of my limp hands._

_ No tears fell there wasn't even pain, I was just numb._

_ James and Sirius were MIA. _


End file.
